Beneath

RESTLESS

Since having a summer vacation I’ve been quite absent from the social media. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but I’ve had a lot of time to myself and to my thoughts. I’ve been wondering about my purpose and my direction in life. It feels like being a little more offline has had good influence on my mind. I’m noticing things that I usually wouldn’t in the normal and rather hectic life of mine.

After ending my studies and graduating I’ve felt a little restless. I feel like I could have space for something to fill up the emptiness that the end of my studies brought to me. Yet, at the same time, I think I don’t really have that much spare time to do big things. I think it’s more of an “unused brain capacity” thing than having too much spare time on my hands.

I feel like it’s a modern day human nature to have an urge to accomplish something new all the time. After finishing my studies, accomplishing them, I don’t have any super special plans coming up next, no goals to achieve in the near future. Thus, I’m basically living the easy life, right? I realize that this need I have to feel relevant and respected is also a western world problem and it’s a tiny problem compared to the other problems in the world like war or famine.

But it is a problem, or a thing that makes me restless. I don’t feel like I’m using my whole capacity. I feel like I would have so much more to do and to give. I don’t feel like I’m done yet. Even though I’m grateful for being a mother, a wife and having a job and a home, I feel like I could do something more. Something to give me the meaning to “why are we living this life as we are and as humans as we are?”

Lately I’ve been thinking that this restlessness I have could be because of the need to do something creative. I’m a creative mind and I like to use my head and hands to create something, usually it’s either visually or verbally. Right now I’ve some ideas that I could work on in the future. These ideas of mine makes feel a bit calmer, thus they feel the right thing to do.

I’ve been quite content and happy to have this summer to dive into my thoughts and feelings and returning into myself. Even though it has been difficult too. Things feel a lot clearer and I can remember the hopes and dreams I had before my life got all busy and hectic. I guess that could be the reason to have a break, a holiday, a vacation once in awhile, right?

I hope the summer has been good to you <3

photos by Jannamari Palo

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